


St. Nicholas

by RazorCr3st



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Adopted Children, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Banana Fish Anime Spoilers, Banana Fish Manga Spoilers, Child Neglect, Childhood Trauma, Chinese Character, Chinese Food, Eventual Happy Ending, Family Issues, Happy, Happy Ending, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Japan, Minor Original Character(s), New York, Okumura Eiji Is a Mess, Okumura Eiji Needs a Hug, Original Character(s), Other, Parent-Child Relationship, Photographer Okumura Eiji, Post-Canon Banana Fish, References to Depression, Sad Okumura Eiji, Sad with a Happy Ending, Tags Are Hard, Talking To Dead People, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:43:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29234736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RazorCr3st/pseuds/RazorCr3st
Summary: Eiji Okumura returns to the infamous New York Public Library together with Sing and Akira. He reminisces his past, but will he be able to get over it? Will he reunite with Ash or will he find someone who will help him find his purpose again?
Relationships: Okumura Eiji & Sing Soo-Ling
Kudos: 8





	St. Nicholas

**Author's Note:**

> St. Nicholas: A patron saint for children

The breeze was one that did not feel welcoming. Eiji recognized the dull grey skies, it gave him a sense of loneliness despite having Akira and Sing beside him. Was it the tragedy of New York that made him feel this way? Despite the beautiful scenery where orange, yellow and brown leaves rained down on them and squirrels running past them, he was left with a cold empty feeling in his chest, leaving him blind to the beauty of the city, for he has been unfortunate enough to once trudge past the dark side of the infamous New York City. The wind played with his long black locks, he ran his pale slender digits through his hair and takes out the leaf that managed to get tangled by his locks. He swore to never cut his hair, as it served as a reminder that his lover once touched it. Never did he expect that it would be the last form of affection he would receive from the fallen Ash Lynx. 

His gaze caught a man with golden locks who sported a simple white shirt and dark blue jeans. He shook his head in disbelief and slowly walked up to the man. Immediately sensing Eiji’s presence, the man turned around and a confused look was plastered across his face.

“Sorry, I’ve mistaken you for my friend.”

“It’s alright.” 

Akira frowned at the sudden encounter, she whispered to herself “ _ He must have really loved this  ** Ash ** person _ .” Sing seemed to have heard her and tensed at the whisper of the name of his deceased friend. He was reminded of Ash’s last request.

“ _You must love him, but never have him_.”

The request was dooming him to the same fate as Ash. As simple as the request was, it was hard and painful on his end. Having to carry the guilt knowing his own half-brother was the cause of Ash’s death, was definitely not easy. He could never replace Eiji’s lover. As much as he tried, he could never make Eiji smile the way Ash does. He loved his friend but in his own way, not the way lovers do. Seeing his friend in such a state makes him think he could never be good enough. Bringing the news about Ash’s death was hard enough, but fulfilling his last request was even worse. 

Sensing the growing tension in the atmosphere, she heaved a sigh as she began to drift away with her thoughts. Whoever this Ash was, he must have been an important person for her friends to still mourn over him to this day. What was he like? What if he lived and she got to meet him? If he was alive, what would he be to Eiji? According to Sing, they loved each other more than lovers do, but she could not understand what it meant. What could possibly be  _ more than lovers _ ? Not looking where she was going, she was snapped out of her thoughts when she felt her shoe getting damp, realizing that she stepped on a puddle. 

“Watch where you’re going young lady.” Sing forced a smile as he watched her struggle to shake her shoes, in hopes that it would dry up. She looked at her shoes and decided to just forget about it, despite the weird feeling of wearing wet socks. Sensing her discomfort, Sing suggested that they could get an extra pair of shoes while waiting for her’s to dry, and at the same time they could give Eiji time to visit the public library on his own.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to leave him alone?” 

“We won’t take too long anyways. Eiji, are you sure you want to go alone?” He nodded in response and the trio dispersed. 

The much dreaded library came into view. Suddenly, the air felt colder and the bustling city felt quiet. Breathing felt so much harder and he felt his hands start to get clammy. He averted his gaze and decided to watch the desaturated sky, from time to time, a bird would fly across the sky, reminding him of his youth. The cool breeze that kissed his face as he launched himself into the air, falling onto the cushion that usually greeted him with an unpleasant scent. He missed those days where he felt so free. Just like a bird, he used to soar, but taking flight resulted to a broken wing. 

Each step he made gave him a sense of regret. He was well reminded that this was the exact sidewalk where Ash was stabbed and used his remaining strength to read his letter. With shaky breaths he managed to say out loud, “I didn’t even get to say goodbye.” 

“I never wanted to say goodbye, Ash. If you’re still here, in some alleyway, if you can hear me,” he paused.

Did Eiji really think there was still a chance Ash could be alive after seeing the name  Aslan Jade Callenreese, engraved on the tombstone? Even after seeing Ash’s corpse in the casket, why did he still have hopes that Ash could be alive? Why can’t he move on? The small funeral they held should have been convincing enough. The way he called Ash’s name and was answered with a deafening silence should have convinced him that Ash was indeed not coming back. The ashes stored in the locket he wore proves it. Then why did he still yearn? Why was he still waiting? When will the heartache die away with his lover? 

Clutching onto the locket, he decided to sit down on the bench as he waited for Akira and Sing, but apparently, he spotted them heading towards him. How long was he left with his thoughts? He must have lost his sense of time. Sing noticed Eiji’s gloomy expression and he started to worry if bringing him to the library was a good idea.

The youngest of the group started to grow concerned too. A sense of pity hit her like a wave as she watched the two men converse in such a saddening tone. “Eiji, Sing, we can do this tomorrow. Maybe we should head back.”

“No, I’m heading inside  _ today_.” Eiji protested and decided to finally get it over with. The tall doors stood in front of him and the other two waited for him to open it. As he opened the door, nostalgia filled his senses and a smile crept its way onto his lips, remembering the day he approached his blonde friend so that he could apologize. He was so peaceful, he could have been mistaken as another normal person in the library. The way he seemed so engrossed with the book in his hands as he adjusted his glasses and eagerly flipped to the next page. He was sitting there, in his own world of imagination. He was in his own world where he couldn’t hear the sounds of gunshots and knives weren’t being sharpened. He wore a calm and intrigued expression as he absorbed every word written on the book. His face was illuminated by the warm yellow lamps which beautifully contrasted his jade-like eyes. 

_ I wonder what book was he reading. _

He wasted no time in entering the library and found the seat where Ash could usually be found. Sing’s gaze fell and pointed to the seat across Ash’s favorite spot.

“That’s where I found him.”

Sing guided Akira to the bookshelves and watched her scan through the sea of books. Her eyes lit up, upon seeing a book that caught her eye. Smiling at the sight of her excited state, he chuckled and proceeded to pick out a book for himself. Once they were both done, they settled down on the vacant seat which wasn’t too far away from Ash and Eiji’s spot.

Eiji simply nodded and thought to himself, “ _ but that’s where I sat_ _._ ” He quietly sat down and pulled out a photograph that had “ _A_ ” written on the lower left corner. In the photograph, Ash was standing amongst the grass that surrounded him. He smiled at the remaining pieces of memories he had with his lover. Clinging onto the beige coat he wore, he imagined the warmth he felt was coming from Ash himself. The warmth’s sweet embrace brought him a sense of calmness as he played with his loose strands of hair.

“Are you happy Ash? Are you resting well up there?” He smiled as tears rolled down his face and gently wiped them with the sleeve of his coat. Using his arms as a cushion, he rested his head on the table and inhaled the scent of his brand new lavender perfume on his coat.

_ Reading each word, he made sure to remember the way Eiji’s handwriting looked in cursive. He smiled as he saw the little spelling errors, in fact he felt honored and flattered at the thought of the amount of effort Eiji put to make this letter especially since it was written in English which wasn’t his first language. _

_ The letter ended with, “My soul will always be with you.” Ash couldn’t help but smile at the blissful thought. Maybe he could be selfish for once, and be with Eiji. But now, he could care less about anything. He didn’t feel the need to think about the future. Right now, all he felt was pure happiness. The past and future didn’t matter to him at the moment. As blood continued to seep through the fabric of his black shirt, he began to wonder, “Is this how I die?” _

_He could imagine Eiji’s voice reading the letter with a slight accent. Warmth invaded his body at the thought of Eiji. His lover’s kind words made him feel safe. Now that he thought of_ _it, he began to wonder what was heaven like. If whatever he was feeling right now was called heaven, as he felt the life in his body begin to fade, he wouldn’t mind dying. Dying happy didn’t sound too bad._

_ Ash Lynx never feared death. _

_ It was ironic how people would describe death as cruel and vile, when those same people are the one’s who live in a world where people who are crueler than death exists. _

_ After all, heaven was supposed to be our safe place. Eiji was his safe place, but was he Eiji’s safe place? Ash felt guilty for always causing him so much trouble. Truly, the world was cruel since the two of them could not walk the same path in the end. They just lived in two different worlds that weren’t meant to meet. _

_ “Nevertheless, I have to make a way for our inseparable souls _ .”

As he lifted his head, he seemed to see a figure sitting across him. The man ran his fingers through his golden locks and their eyes met. Eiji’s eyes turned glossy as he looked at him in disbelief.

“Ash, what am I supposed to do without you?”

Rubbing his eyes with his sleeve, he took a peek again at the seat in front of him which was now empty, again. He was left with a hollow feeling in his chest as he asked himself, “What am I living for now? Who am I living for?” A sigh escaped his lips as he continued to yearn for a purpose, to fill the void in his heart, and to get rid of the hollow feeling. He decided to look through the bookshelves, hoping to find something he might like. Row after row, nothing seemed to have caught his eyes. 

“I don’t even know what’s his favorite book.” He sighed as he realized that during all the chaos, he didn’t really get to know that much about Ash. If only he had more time with him, if only he was still here, maybe he’d be able to sleep well knowing that Ash would be there the next morning. But no, life is cruel.

Most would like to say that we “ reap what we sow.”  There’s no denying that Ash has killed hundreds of people. Those who were hurt, will hurt others. It’s a never ending cycle. He had little to no choice in having to do such things for the gang, but not once did he enjoy it. Not once did he take pride in it. His hands were stained with blood. What would happen if he held Eiji’s hands? Would Eiji’s hands be left with a stain too? It was funny how most would describe Ash as an angel when his innocence was stolen. Lucifer was once an angel too. He was beautiful, but beauty lies beneath the soul. Ash was another angel who had lost his wings. Everyone’s nightmares were his reality. The whole world seemed to be against him. 

Like the main course, set on the middle of the dining table. Everyone tried to reach for it, with knives, forks, and other cutleries. They wanted to eat him alive. Dino Golzine didn’t want him to die, he wanted him to live on Earth and feel the flames of hell burn his skin. Was that the way to tame a lynx? They tossed him around and made sure to leave a scar in his heart. The poor boy’s cries gave them a sense of power, like a hunter who had brought home the head of a lynx, then setting it aside as a display. 

But no, Ash Lynx was the predator and the prey. He hunted those who wanted his head. It kept on going, on and on, he hunted and he was being hunted. History repeated itself.

Ash was always used, and always thrown away. His view turned darker as he found himself buried beneath the waste which blocked his sight, and it prevented him from seeing the light. But one day, someone came to pick him up and show him the way to heaven, somewhere safe, even though it was temporary. It made his life in New York, something to look forward to. In fact, he looked forward to start a new life with Eiji in Japan.

Some things are just too good to be true. Was it really possible for him to start a new life in Japan? Was it possible for him to wash the blood off the sheets of his bed? As the life in Ash Lynx dwindled, his hopes and dreams began to die away with him too. Only death was able to end the cycle of misery. Death parted him from the cruel life he lived on earth, but it also tore him away from Eiji. At least no one can now sharpen the lynx’s claws, and allow him to rest.

_ Maybe in another life, in another world, Ash Lynx could have another chance. _

On the other side of the bookshelf, he could hear two people talking in a hushed tone. From what Eiji could make out, the other voice must be from a kid. It was a bit strange how the kid seemed to keep staring at him through the gaps in the shelves. Those eyes reminded him of someone he used to know very well but he shook off the thought. Not knowing what to do, he simply waved at the kid but the man noticed and harshly grabbed the kid’s wrist which caused the kid to drop the book, dragging him out of Eiji’s sight. The kid yelped but was quickly silenced by the man.

His eyes narrowed at the sight and the man paused. He loosened his grip on the kid. “Sorry about the commotion, my student is being a handful.” With that, they both left and the student took one last glance at Eiji before leaving. Upon seeing the book on the floor, he decided to pick it up and borrow it.

The sight of Eiji getting up made Sing and Akira perk up. Exchanging a confused look, they both decided to follow him. They were unexpectedly greeted with a large crowd of people passing by, which unfortunately made them lose sight of Eiji. 

“Where is he?!” 

“He must have went that way.” Akira pointed towards the cafe which wasn’t too far from the library.

_ Sounds of camera’s clicking, and the disgusting comments the filthy men made, Ash couldn’t get rid of the filth they spread onto him as they touched him. Were the photographers done yet? When would the clicking stop? When would they stop touching me? There was no point in crying. All he could do was pray to whatever gods were out there to come save him. He started to wonder, “Are angels real? Why have they not come to save me?” _

“ _I’m only eight.”_

_ Hearing the story only made Eiji want to hug Ash as he imagined his small trembling figure. He was disgusted knowing some photographers out there used their talent for something so vile. It was hard for him to carry a camera with pride, knowing others who use this device use it for evil doings, but he wanted to change that. He knew that Ash never wanted to be defined by his trauma. He was relieved to know that Max had burnt those photos of Ash. Despite the fact that the photos that chained him to his past was burnt, his trauma will remain until the day he dies.  _

_ Eiji loathed those photographers. It was saddening to know that most people only saw Ash Lynx as a pretty face, an object to play and tamper with. He wanted to change people’s view on him, and let people know him for his individuality, so he decided to use his pictures of Ash for the gallery. Specifically, he chose the photo he called “Dawn”. The photo showed Ash sitting by the windowsill, with the beautiful scenery of the sun starting to rise as a new morning begins. Even with the beautiful scenery, Ash still seemed to stand out, despite the evident cracks on the walls and the buildings seen from the window. _

“Quiet, Magnus. I told you I’ll give you a perfect score if you cooperate with me.” 

The kid who Eiji learned was named Magnus, hesitantly nodded. As the professor took a sip from the coffee mug, he decided to approach them.

“Hey kid, you dropped your book.”

Rising from his seat, Magnus walked up to Eiji and awkwardly smiled. “Thank you.” He bent over to match the kid’s height and asked, “Are you alright?” The kid was shocked at the question and he began to tear up. 

“Hey, it’s alright. Is the man bothering you?” He asked in a hushed tone.

“Magnus, do you know him?” The teacher asked.

“Yes, this is my uncle. Is it okay if I have a quick chat with him?” 

Narrowing his eyes at Magnus, he sighed. “Hurry up.”

The two went outside the cafe and sat down on a bench. Eiji’s comforting presence made it easy for him to open up. It was strange, he wasn’t the type to open up so easily to a complete stranger. Magnus was always quiet, but he was fed up after everything he had been through. Apparently his parents hated him after his sister had taken her own life. They wanted her back and didn’t want to deal with their  failure of a son. Why did his sister take her own life? Magnus did not know either. His parents wanted him to redeem himself by getting perfect marks in school. The pressure of being neglected by his parents and having to study was suffocating him. He admitted that he was close to his teacher, Mr. Benedict. They usually talk a lot. Mr. Benedict knew about his problems at home and offered to give him perfect marks on the test. That day, Mr. Benedict invited him to his house. 

_ Nothing comes for free . _

The next thing he knew, was that he somehow ended up in Mr. Benedict’s bedroom. Magnus wanted to please his parents, he needed those perfect marks, so he obeyed his teacher. 

“ _ Mr. Benedict, it hurts. I don’t understand why you’re touching me.” _

He got the perfect marks. He yearned to hear his parents’ praise. The words, “ _I’m proud of you_ ,” was something he wanted to listen to on repeat, so he was desperate to get more perfect marks. It was hard though, since he doubted his academic skills. He usually got high marks but he  needed  perfect marks. There was an upcoming test next week and Mr. Benedict had another offer today. Magnus was tired of everything. All the emotions he had thought he locked away, suddenly burst free. He was mad that his parents never appreciated him after everything he has done. He was mad that Mr. Benedict took advantage of his desperation to get perfect marks. At the same time, he felt so alone and helpless. 

There were times when he couldn’t take it anymore as he begged for death to open the door to a new place where he could run away forever. He wanted to meet his sister and ask her why she left him with such a cruel life. She was 13 and he was 5 at the time. It was strange to him as to why he found her body laying on a pool of blood with the cake’s knife in hand, until he finally realized what had happened. Ever since that day, he could never celebrate his birthday. His parents didn’t care about his birthday anymore saying that it was a curse. As gruesome as it sounds, sometimes when he was in a bad state of mind, he wanted to kill his parents with his own hands.

“I don’t know where to go anymore. I don’t want to go home.” Magnus confessed as he watched the kids who their parents spun around and engulfed into a tight embrace. The sound of laughter and the smiles on their faces made Magnus wonder why his family didn’t look like this. All he knew about family was the constant yelling, fighting, and the bruises his parents gifted him with. His life at home didn’t have bedtime stories with his parents nor late night movies. He didn’t have walks to the park nor playtime at the playground. What was different? Why can’t he be like other kids who were out there playing tag or getting bruises from the playground and not from their parents? 

The childhood he never had was stolen from him. He cared so much about trying to get perfect marks. Kids his age were having play dates, and he was stuck at home, trying to process every bit of information written on his test reviewer, burning the midnight candle. Tears of frustration streamed down his face and he would harshly rake his hands through his brown locks as he stared at the papers. 

_ It’s not fair. _

They were both interrupted by the door swinging open to reveal Mr. Benedict. “Magnus, let’s go now.”

Standing up from his seat, Eiji shielded Magnus. “No.” 

“Get away from me you liar! I thought you could help me.” Magnus said through gritted teeth. Eiji looked down and saw the same strong look Ash once had. Underneath his fiery expression was a crying soul and an unhealed wound that would soon leave a scar.

“Magnus, what’re you talking about?” He nervously chuckled. “Come on, let’s study now.”

“I heard everything.”

“You little shit! You’re lying! How could you do this to me after all the things I’ve done for you?”

“Hey Eiji, do you know these two?” A tall figure walked up to them and the teacher looked at him with fear. Akira stood behind him and waved at Eiji, and he reciprocated the action. 

“I don’t want this kid to go through the same hell Ash did.”

Staring at him in confusion, Sing finally caught on to the situation and sent a glare that shot daggers at the teacher. Akira had so many questions in her head which were left unanswered like, “ What hell did Ash go through ?” Her gut feeling told her that maybe it was best not to know, afraid that the answer was something she wouldn’t want to hear. 

** 1 month later **

The court trials have ended and Eiji was able to adopt Magnus since his parents were disgusted after hearing the situation of Mr. Benedict and Magnus. They disowned him, but for some reason Magnus felt free. He didn’t feel sorry for himself, he felt like he had another chance at life, another chance to enjoy the remains of his childhood. Sing and Akira were with them through it all and they were more than happy to help Magnus. Inevitably, Akira heard about the story of Ash and now she understood the pain Eiji and Sing were going through. Other than that, she got along with Magnus and they became good friends despite the slight challenge in trying to understand each other due to their differences in language.

Walking out of the court, Eiji held Magnus’ hand and Sing stated that he was going to treat them all for dinner. The weather was warmer today and the skies were a bright shade of blue. As usual, the streets were busy and people chatted here and there. It was quite traffic today and Sing tapped on the steering wheel as the faint pop music from the radio played. He waited for the stop light’s go signal before stepping on the pedal. 

“Hey Eiji.” He turned to Sing who quickly looked back at him before fixating his gaze again on the driveway. “I’m sure Ash is proud of you.” 

“Really?” He hummed in response and swiftly turned the steering wheel and the restaurant finally came into view. Akira’s eyes lit up at the sight upon seeing thebusy restaurant. The waitress greeted them and lead them to the excluded part of the room. 

“ 晚上好。老板，你喜欢吃什么？ ”

“ 最好的。 “

“ 好的。 ”

“What did you order?” Eiji curiously asked as he scanned the menu. 

“Everything.”

“Woah, what else did you say?” Akira added.

“That’s practically it. I own this place actually.” Sing said in triumph as he remembered dedicating this restaurant to Shorter who happened to be another victim of the infamous Banana Fish, but other than that, Shorter was their friend. He was sure that Shorter must be resting well together with Ash.

“That’s so cool.” Magnus said in awe as he eyed the big chandelier above them. “Do you speak Mandarin or was it a different dialect?”

“Yes, I’m Chinese and speak Mandarin, but these two are Japanese.” He gestured towards Eiji and Akira.

“Ah Eiji, shouldn’t we teach Magnus Japanese?”

“Of course.”

Finally, the food came and the strong aroma emitting from the food made everyone’s mouth water. They all said their thanks before finally digging in. Here and there, everyone would throw jokes at each other. Eiji showed Magnus the pictures of his dog which he was excited to soon meet. He has never had a pet dog before and has always wished he had one. Akira joked about hiring Magnus as her tutor since he was excelling in academics.

“Eh, it’s not my fault math had to involve weird letters and symbols. It just makes it harder! I don’t see the point.”

“Actually it’s not that hard if you familiarize the process rather than try to memorize everything.”

“Easy for you to say!”

Apparently, Sing actually ordered everything. Magnus and Akira were trying all the sodas while Eiji and Sing decided to have wine. Today, Magnus was able to see the people he was surrounded with, smile and laugh as they conversed. It made him feel a little safer, despite being aware of the horrors of New York City. He looked forward to the new life that awaits him in Izumo, Japan. 

“Alright let’s have a toast.” Eiji raises the wine glass in his hand. 

“To what?” Magnus asked.

“To you, of course.”

The kids mimicked their actions but before that, they emptied their soda cans and transferred the liquid into the spare wine glass. “To Magnus.” They all shared cheers, and the wine glass made a loud clink. 

Planes ascended into the air as the trio watched from the airport. When the small crowd by the window dispersed, Eiji managed to take a good photo of Magnus standing by the window. Through the speakers, the announcer informed that the plane was now allowing the people to board. 

“Alright, let’s go.” Sing said as he helped Akira carry her luggage. Magnus smiled as Eiji ruffled his soft brown hair. 

Looking at the plane’s window, Eiji got a good view of New York from above. As the plane continued to ascend, New York started to look smaller until all he could see were a big blur of colors. He remembered the day he left New York. He still regrets teaching Ash to say goodbye. Little did he know, it would be the last goodbye he would hear from him, parting ways forever. It was a little ironic how he wrote, “ _ My soul will always be with you _ ,” in his letter to Ash. Know, he was sure of it, that Ash’s soul was probably close to him, telling him to live on and be happy. It was foolish of him to think that Ash would want him to reunite in another life right now. Now he realized that Ash would’ve wanted him to find his purpose and live in pure bliss. One day when his hair turns grey and the color in his eyes starts to fade, he knows Ash will welcome him with open arms and congratulate him for making it so far and continuing to live for him, but that could wait. Now, he had Magnus.

“ _Sayonara, New York_.”  He thought as a smile made its way to his face. Magnus shot him a confused look. “ ** _I’m proud of you Magnus.”_**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this :)  
> I’m kinda new to writing fan fictions but I hope I didn’t do too bad  
> I’d like to hear your thoughts on this and maybe leave some kudos <3


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